Saturday, October 21, 2006
And IT IS AGAIN MARRY?!
the "second marriage - this is the victory of hope above the life experience" - says old anecdote. But in each joke, as is known, only the portion of joke. Because you already one time signed statement about the divorce and under oath promised to yourselves: "yes in order to 4?!! Yes never and on no account!". But they nevertheless decided to begin on the same rakes again, and they very recently played their sequential wedding. And here - good to grant in "not the first" marriage! Marriage, independent of ordinal number, it remains marriage. But it means, for you it is necessary to encounter the problems of all newly-weds: joint way of life and managing economy, family budget, relation with the relatives, views on training of children and other. But in addition to this, in the second and subsequent marriages appear many other problems. Such as: • the negative experience, which has already been discussed in the beginning of article. Sometimes this experience is such negative that simply there are no forces. Certainly, much forgot in the course of time, but already accurately not all. And you examine your new elect under the microscope with a triple increase. But suddenly it povedet itself how been? By the way, this experience interfere withs not only women, but also men. To the second marriage we already accurately know, what we want, and what is not. For example, we do not want so that they would criticize us, would forbid to associate with the friends or to work. But in this case we frequently confuse our present desires with the fear to begin on the same rakes. Old habits. have you experience negative, but was nevertheless certain positive. For example, you always completely managed family budget, and your former mother-in-law was simple angel in the flesh, who lives in other region. And you sincerely be surprised, that the budget in you now is general, and mother-in-law lives by floor above, and he possesses far from angelic nature. But the treacherous thought climbs into the head: "can, past time it was better?". This thought of the head is better to reject, and it is necessary to be subdued to the new problems and the rules of game. If it is already entirely heavy, then try to paint pluses and minuses of your new marriage on the leaf. It is plus more? Here it is excellent. • "not first - not latter". It is marry necessary to leave one time, also, for life - they suggested to us. But now that we accurately know that this not thus. And if the first divorce was the heaviest period in the life, then the second is received considerably more easily. But third time it is possible already and small holiday to arrange. We more easily relate to the marriage and we do not no longer so fear partings. Well, I will breed again, what fear- that? But to fear is necessary that we can lose our person, possibly, only, intended precisely to us. • everything will be ideal. You honestly acknowledge to yourselves: the first pancake left by lump. But in someone even first two or three. But already you will not miscalculate this time. You reexamined our own behavior and realized your errors and blunders. They grew up and they became wiser. You for long looked at the new elect and were checked their feelings. And now you are assured - everything will be ideal. But here is the misfortune: the first quarrels and scandals, offence and the absence of mutual understanding, difference and conflicts. On the whole, all that that you already once "passed" and which, after all, led to the divorce. Now you already doubt: and suddenly again not that? Your illusions collapsed, and together with them collapses family life. It does not collapse in reality, but only it begins. And, it is completely natural that you will encounter some problems and differences. But only now with your experience and mind you will be able to resolve all conflicts with the smallest losses for both sides. And you will preserve your family happiness. - the greatest problems reaches to us that remained after the previous marriages. To someone were reached three-room apartment in the center of Moscow and decent calculation in the bank, while to someone heap it was debt and steadfast hatred for the opposite floor. This already as will transport. But there is that which remains almost in all those separated: "been" The nevertheless former beloved and former husband - is somewhat different categories. And if the first disappear from our life once and for all, then the second can remain in it sufficiently for long. And to appear in it at the most unexpected and inappropriate moments. Relations with the friends and the relatives Relatives also can be understood: they sufficiently for long got accustomed to your previous elect, they came to your wedding, they made friends with it and they considered as the its member of their family. And even they related to it better than to you - this the very disseminated situation. But now you want so that about it they would forget everything and in exactly the same manner was accepted new person. You do not hurry to spoil relation with your relatives or to pour on by mud of your of that been. They so love once of it - let they associate, this them right. Only, what you must make, fence from their criticism and comparisons your new man. If something in its behavior does not arrange your relatives, they can say this to you face to face, but in no way not in its presence. Children Children from the previous marriage - these are the very complex and serious theme, is worthy of various article. To be dismantled at all problems and finesses in one paragraph is simply unreal. It is important only to remember: there are the former husbands and the former wives, but it does not occur the "former children" and parents. And if in you now new husband, this yet does not mean that in child - new father. But for the children of your man it is not necessary to search for new dad, because their father met another woman. Understanding this simple rule helps to avoid very many problems.