Sunday, November 26, 2006


Possessed by love: tell to itself " Stop! "

Probably, each woman though time in a life collides with such situation when she or its close girlfriend up to such degree has been absorbed by love to other person that could not conduct a normal life.

And it is absolutely uneasy, having got in such binding to recollect, that you have pride and to tell to itself: " Everything, will suffice! Stop! ".

At first sight, all seems clear - who from us did not fall in love. A sleeplessness, infinite expectation of phone call, impossibility to think about something the friend, except for him...

It can proceed week, month, and sometimes and years. And suddenly you find out, that own life has started moving under a slope - all friends and relatives for a long time are forgotten, on work dismissal threatens - in fact you are not capable to concentrate even on the most simple problems, houses flaunt mountains of dirty utensils and dirty linen... You come to life, bring in the order of and the apartment only before His arrival and if it suddenly will call you, you are ready to run though on edge of light.

If you accept such life - perfectly. But if you feel, that there is something not that, means, it is time to understand thoroughly a situation and to admit to itself that you HAVE GOT IN DEPENDENCE. And for this purpose it is necessary to leave some myths.

1. In love always should be together

People, which main slogan - " with loved do not leave ", test deep depression every time when small separation is necessary even. They think out various shifts to not release(not let off) the partner in time for work, call on hundred times day, do not allow him to carry out a free time with friends or to be engaged in a favourite hobby. The some people supervise each step of the partner even within the limits of an apartment, not releasing(not letting off) him in a toilet or in bathing, using thus gentle whisper: " do not leave me " or terribly inquiring: " you where? ". Such people usually speak: " I cannot live without my beloved, in fact I so love him! ".

Actually, if you so feel and act, it is necessary to recognize: it at all love. If it seems to you, that you love Him above all and will die, if he will throw you, it refers to as much more unpleasant word: PARASITISM. If other person is necessary for a survival for you, means, you on him parasitize, use (him in the purposes because you need at presence and attention. In such attitudes nobody is free - neither you, nor the partner, and anybody from you cannot choose, as to him to build the life.

And the love is always an opportunity of a free choice when two persons are quite capable to do without the friend the friend, but have chosen a joint life.

2. Without loved the life is not lovely

Presence of dependence directly specifies inability to test completeness of a life and correctly to operate without care and trusteeship on the part of the partner. Certainly, each of us has certain need depending on others, in fact all of us are people and are connected among themselves by attitudes. Each person, even most adult and independent all the same from time to time requires heat and caress. To wish, that you loved and showed care - normally. It is bad, when this need eclipses all others. And it is absolutely bad, when so that the partner has paid to you attention, you are ready on any victims, down to humiliation.

When the person so strongly tries to become loved it similarly to a bottomless hole with which it is impossible to fill. The loneliness in such situation is simply intolerable - in fact, considering, that you do not have not enough loved, you actually do not recognize, that you do not have not enough HERSELF.

3. The love is a self-sacrifice

Certainly, when we love other person are ready to make for him very much much. But at all to the detriment of own interests. When two are free and independent, each of them can refuse the request of another, easy having explained to the partner why at present it is impossible and having offered the variant of development of a situation. It also is cooperation at which people are sure in themselves and in each other and know, that the partner correctly will understand and not begins to take offence. If you, having spat on the duties before yourself and others, like mad rush to it from fear, that if you will give up more never will invite - you, definitely, it is necessary to become more confident and independent.

It is possible to result still set of erroneous ideas - such as " he should meet all my desires ", " he should belong entirely to me ", " I do not feel high-grade without him ", etc. In any case, dependence is only a substitute of love, and by and large - antilove. The original love consists that two people support each other, protect and are pleased, respect and accept "separateness" the partner, and also promote personal growth and a maturity of everyone.

What to do, if you all the same want to get rid of obsession love?

First of all, fairly definein what you are concrete from loved- even if you really think the most important, that cannot live, admit without him(it) it to yourself. Probably, you like his care (he unique in the world who is capable to take care of you), sex (he is the best lover whom you met ever), money (he provides you), the help on the house (he on all hands the master), the machine (you like that he delivered you even there where it is possible to reach for 5 minutes), etc.

And now present, that this person is not present in your life more. Only be not thrown in a panic - in fact you will not die of it. How you will care of yourself? For certain, you will find an additional source of the income, you will cause from the sanitary technician, you will walk on foot or you will sweep by the underground.

Having learned independently to cope with difficulties, you can find out, that your need(requirement) to see Him is not too great. With sex, certainly, it will be more complex however, it is quite possible, that it is not necessary for you so much: in fact with the help of sexual attitudes people quite often aspire to fill in emptiness in the life. The main thing - to overcome own erroneous stereotypes of thinking.

Start to restore sensation of own person. If you cannot make to a step without the partner, take courage and lead(carry out) experiment - descend without him in cafe or on a party. Try to realize during each moment of time, that to you occurs, be " here and now ", enjoying various sensations - closely consider conditions, feel a smell, taste, be concentrated on pleasant. Do not hurry up to run back to Him - in fact you so a long time there was no one, and need for a solitude - one of the strongest our needs to whom we, unfortunately, seldom pay attention.

Recollect, how you lived before his occurrence - for certain, you had the close friends, favourite affairs and hobbies. Think: what would you want to do in this life to benefit anothers? Most likely, you have got in dependence on love attitudes because felt emptiness and did not realize the creative and spiritual potential.

Now it is a high time to correct this mistake and to engage in that really is pleasant to you. Write down: what you would want to see yourself in five years? That to reach by this time? (Only do not include the attitude with Him in the list). And now in detail write, how you will move to the planned purpose. When you will begin those whom you can become your love will appreciate and respect you more. And even if He will disappear from your life his place the person will borrow much more worthy you.

Put itself on His place and look at a situation His eyes. Try to feel, what to it, when you pursue his love - for example if to ask the man constantly " you me like? " Or to supervise his each step even the most counterbalanced person eventually will come in fury, and break or quarrel will be inevitable. If you managed to present vividly His condition and to understand, in what you are wrong, time urgently has come to correct a mistake.

Do not bother it with inquiries, - whether well he has spent a maximum about what it is possible to ask, and if he will answer "yes" sincerely to be glad for him. Even if at heart at you cats, at all do not show it to Him. An output from dependent attitudes - a uneasy problem), however strong she on a shoulder.

If all this does not help you also your condition does not improve, the best output - to address to the expert - psychologist who works with a problem of love dependence. But, certainly, your inquiry should sound so: " help me to get rid of dependence ", instead of " make so that HE has remained with me for ever ". Roots of any dependence are covered in the early childhood, and that them delete, it is required long and a tough job. Only then, provided that you really want to become the free and independent person and is ready to apply on this many efforts, it is possible to predict positive result. The main thing, that is required determination and courage to you is, and we wish you in it success!

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?